why a title?

Monday april 17 toronto ricoh centre
A day of internet and accounting and across the road samosas, and maybe even a bit of gossip from another tour which I find a bit of told ya so. I hammer onwards with the work, the psycho sleeps and drools his way through another bender. God only knows what tonight brings as it is a show day. We assemble at the agreed upon hour and cut across town through the u.b.o./s and wakie wakie/s. Toronto is surely a beautiful city, and the ricoh is back to the scene of the crime of last years franz Ferdinand hockey debacle. Gig is sold out, catering is great, crowd is a bit unresponsive for the crib dogs. I get on with the job of saying hey to ms rosenbaum, and the prime minister and Kelly, of course. I beg off early with all the gear, back to the hotel, and the phoenix suns beating the shite out of someone. Like yankee games in japan, all suns games are broadcast in Canada, it seems. The guys have a ‘mad un’ for a change.
Tuesday april 18 detroit state theatre
An easy drive from t town and a breeze of a border crossing. Must be the whole brothers jarman thing. ‘which one is gary?’, ain/t you? Fuck if I know, like.
Anyhoo, tgo the motor city, as it were and the state theatre, conveniently across from Comerica park, though the tigers ain/t in town.
A languid day, to be sure. Do some emails, make some calls, line up the aftershow(thanks greg!). the catering is brilliant, catfish, if I remember correctly, with some mac and cheese topped with a provocative sauce of I cannae remember beyond yesterdays taco john shit sandwich, but, suffice to say that the catering was brillo, and I am not one to miss many meals, matey. So yes, back to the rock and that is the reason why we are here. I watch the show with mr baise and ms hardy (of murder city devils fame) and their respective s.o./s. good stuff. And yes ben Blackwell is in the house with his missus, invited by no less than 3 people. So it is still on with the rock, and less of the name dropping, and the cribs park it in the cheap seats quite nicely ce soir. I pack it up with the psycho and move it back to the hotel, where we quickly grab a cab and take it up barside at the stick. They are determined not to get me drunk(no makers, no jameson, the Guinness is scheisse), so instead they drop the bitters in the bushmills(sorry, babe, it is indeed proddy shite!) and I simply concentrate on conversing with the hardy girls and mr dan Hadley, ‘lights’, to his friends. And it is a proper death crib for Ferdinand show tonight. They are all rolling perfect games with out a Haynes in sight. The baise is bringing the noise nicely, and I sneak out, ghost move style, back to the shack. Gots to drive to chitown for the early one manana.
Wednesday april 19 chicago aragon
Nothing good to say, except that I see no one. The finkleman tries to get me out, I want to kill the veejits(nothing new there), everyone blows van call so I blow a gasket, and we hit the road for Rockford with nary a hello to the windy city, ceptin the gorgeous ride in on lakeshore drive. The veejits ruin the show, extenuating circumstances ruin my day.
Thursday april 20 minneapolis Northrop auditorium
With the onset of daylight savings, we are no longer playing in the dark. I line up the after drinks at the Sullivan brothers bar on cedar. That is my major accomplishment, that and speaking with mi Corazon in the emerald isle. It is a thin crowd who are seated. We lock and load. It is the psychos last night. God only knows what kind of mess he is going to make. We head immediately to the bar for the brown liquor and whatever practical joke they are going to play, which turns out to be nought. They all get drunk, I shoot the breeze with the Sullivan brothers, it is another death crib for Ferdinand kinda night. Mr gibbard even has dad in tow, and I am sorry to say that I do not meet dad. Tis a pity really, as I am sure he is both very proud of his son , and a good guy to boot. I leave with all the cribs, the shippo and the psycho chase the night until it is taxi time. Goodbye cribs hello dresdens.
Friday april 21 madison Orpheum sans franz
Whattya know, we stop for diesel in camp fucknose, and the nozzle explodes diesel all over me, I smell like an amateur anarchists living room. Covered in the shite, I nearly puke my way to Madison. We get to the states capitol, and check into our very nice digs across from the capitol itself, eat a Cornish pasty, get a fake jiffy lube. They don/t have a diesel filter. I tell em that they can use my jeans(or as the jarmans would say, ‘so is it safe to say that you are wearing diesel jeans dell boy?’). a whole lot of running around, but things get done, and we now have adam on our side as our sound engineer(he of the blood brothers and mudhoney fame). Shippo and I lock and load, dump the van, watch a clint eastwood movie, hit up the paradise on main for bratwurst and a highlife or three and yes, the drunkest guy in the joint has bought a sandwich for the biggest girl in the place and it just warms the cockles of my heart, reminding me of those halcyon days of the sweetwater and baby jakes and the stupider than Jupiter late nights. I pop my head in the martini bar next door, and there is our entire touring entourage having a bratwurst free sausage party of their own. Everyone gets heroically drunk and goes their separate ways.
Thanks Madison, yr a true lady. Did I forget to mention that both the cribs and death cab brought the house down? Real cool night out.
Saturday april 22 fargo nd
So it is a travel day and I have done the ups thing to get our shit out west, and no it is time to get ourselves out west. We hammer down, stopping for a taco johns(case of beer, quesadilla, case of water) and find ourselves in a bug splattered submarine in fargo north dakota on a Saturday night. I leave the lads in the lurch and find the maddest strip club with the most botox I have seen outside of vegas. I knock back a few grain belts, watch the clippers game, do not go to the rail(too many fatter fucks in backwards baseball caps smells like a broken jaw). I beat the street and take some photos of the neon on broadway. Not a bad night off.