obit

A more macabre twist on the late night bs- They both croak it/ closed casket funeral of epic proportions/ a mysterious jet has left from some private airstrip with 2 people and some large suitcases on board to an epsteinian destination. Sales of maga merchandise skyrocket, filling the family coffers. Like Noah’s ark, the cracker spawn depart from the celebrations into a fleet of black suburbans whisked away to secret service protection in perpetuity. All is hunky dory til the following morning until a Saudi knock off gucci suitcase is found in the middle of 5th avenue with the well coiffed head of what appears to be the former first escort and mail order bride with a micro cassette recorder shoved in her mouth. As social media erupts with speculation, and what’s left of traditional media scramble for the story and family interviews , the family is in the ether. And simultaneously at 9am, they flood the plain with shit from their individual twitter accounts- all the usual bravado and infantilism , instagram photos of junior and his bass mouthed minx face down in a pile of what appears to be high quality South American racket. The only problem of the whole charade is the reflection in the mirror of one Stevo bannonstan. And stevo wears an ankle bracelet, and before you can say royale with cheese, the feds converge on a faux gothic mansion on the intracoastal waterway somewhere in south Florida, surrounded by 400 heavily armed teletubbies in Hawaiian shirts and tactical gear who were thought to be in town for the first annual booga luau. With ruby ridge and Waco in mind, the feds are in a standoff with the teletubbies. Some would call it a Mexican standoff but not the feds or the teletubbies because ew, they’re americans after all.Honest to god bovine Americans . But we will get to that later. At this point , the bimbozo in chief , shillelagh Macarena lights up the fake news feed with a list of insults and demands. 1. A gilded extra large toilet(portable) 2. A private jet and safe passage to any shit hole country besides this one . 3. At least 100 happy meals, at which point the faux parrot heads begin to grumble 4. Full pardons for all from the acting President, who was last seen leaving the funerals waiting for an uber xl to an unknown destination in rehoboth beach with what looked like the youngest child of the former president. As she is attempting to get to the 5th point, a large orange presence in a diaper and shaven head and face like a powdered donut a la apocalypse Brando bum rushes the rostrum and firmly plants his small hands between her legs and tries to take her away. “I told All you fake news sucker, grab em by the p.......” as it appears he is stroking out live on air on all channels but fox and oan - an explosive charge of excrement flying all over shillelagh and the cameras , a last rosebudian bellow emanating from the paidoff twitler wanna be , before dying, for the whole world to witness and ruminate over “primantis”