the wages of syntax

I hate the words fuckery , human, influencer, and shaningans. Or how they are used in modern vernacular. Is there anything worse than some dork in cargo shorts , cheap cologne and beer breath bellowing ‘because I call shenanigans’ at the fact that he lost a game of cornhole. And cornhole? Honestly, when I was young and butchering the english language on the regular, cornhole was what ruined ned beatty’s career, not two pieces of ply wood and some misshapen hacky sacks. The whole 21st century is passing me by. I have never excelled in an office environment whether there was free weed or misbehaving administrative assistance. Who knew that the kombucha kooler conversations of today would be so colorful and pedantic as to describing ‘some libtards got in their clown car to drive to their she shed and man cave complex at that dumpster fire of a shit show. I mean these influencers are two of my favorite humans. Have you seen their insta? I get it straight to my doordash account.’ Christ on a crutch I mean, I am from southern California in the 80’s- a granola munching libtard coastal elite I have certainly contributed to the slaughtering of syntax one slangy utterance at a time. That is our job, right , to keep the language flowing, but you will never see me killing or crushing it , unless it is a rodent or a cockroach or a right wing insurrection. I am constantly told by unsuspecting dating sight victims that they need an urban dictionary to parse through my text messages. What then do I need to navigate the turbid waters of social media and shite movie spun national diarrhea of the mouth? The suburban Pictionary? What the fuck is a clown car anyway? And I can tell ya the last time I was at a shit show of any real significance, gg allin was on stage and it was not pretty. Now, I am aware of the adage that swearing is for the lazy, and I am a stoned sailor in that regard, but c’mon motherfuckers and pull your manicured fingers out of your bleached assholes. Come up with the goods. What kind of world do we live in that 500 year old west Virginian and laker legend gone clipper jerry west, refers to his 50 year place of employment as a shit show? Band together and send the watercooler blockbuster scribed horseshit phraseology with a one way ticket to tuberville. And for fuck’s sake, fellow old farts, don’t coopt the kids lingo. That is fucking cringe in and of itself, and a profoundly weird flex.