kinkos anyone?

Sunday September 17 koln stollwerk
Shit loads of advance tix in this old chocolate factory on the rhein. Tomorrow is a day off(hahahahahaha) and we are in hotels for both nights. Yippee. The show takes off in a schick center quit smoking advert. I am going to get emphysema by the time I get out of Europe. Someone bites peaches toe early in the set, and she stops the show to belt her one, or so. The band carries on without missing a note. Tis a nice gig in koln, first time I have enjoyed myself at this venue to be sure, but then again tis the first time it is all working correctly. Mr opper is in town to hang with his missus, so that’s a good vibe. We have a brief after party in the catering and head back to the hotel for the day off. I am sick as fuck and drink a bottle of red and watch an adult movie to put me to sleep. Bill hicks would/ve been proud of the quality.
Monday sept 18 koln off
So it is a morning of rain, the deutsche bank, copy shops(open up a speedy printer inside the dom and make a fortune) and the deutsche post and , super cuts where I get shorn by a lovely little german lass and tip the unthinkable, and then back to the shack for some vomiting and then the lentil soup which comes back up the same way and I am really fucked and hyperventilating, yet somehow manage to pay off the bus company invoice, watch a german futbol match, pay 11 euros for a spike lee movie, but switch to the bill hicks dream show(no wahwah petal or hbma/s, just pure unadulterated filth) still I fall asleep. Is this shit tax deductible? I hyperventilate and vomit through my migraine all night long.
Tuesday sept 19 schorndorf manufaktur
A cool community center next to the railway tracks not far from Stuttgart. What I see of the drive is gorgeous, real bucolic germany. We are greeted with the typical hospitality of these types of places. Welcoming and attitude free, tomorrow is a dance company and yesterday was the dizzy Gillespie cover band. Rock clubs should take note. You do not cure cancer, yu only attempt to put on rock shows, and most of you cannot do it properly.
Yes so anyhoo, back to the shack. I am convinced that I am going to keel over if I have to breathe in 1 more cigarette second hand. For a country that is so green, these fuckers sure can smoke.
We watch the white stripes on you tube from their simpsons thing, then do the show. I confiscate a video camera in the first song, it seems that the guy is diddling his gf during the set, though not on film. I wheeze my way through their 90 minutes, and clamber in my bunk/coffin, awaking some hours later in Frankfurt.

shows 50 and 51

Thursday sept 14 stockholm debaser medis
A loooong drive from oslo to Stockholm and we are straight into the bowels of a new club. Kristoffer, who did lights with the caesars, is the house light guy, and go figure, adam, the Viking guitar tech also stops by. Droadie and I get to have a few laughs with those guys before getting back to the task at hand. We are all sequestered into the corner of some production office, with frederik who used to tm the hives taking care of us. Great venue and a chamber of commerce type of day, though I see none of it. (this is a growing concern, I am locked into everywhere at all times. Kinda sucks). Show goes off brilliantly, get to hang with a couple of the luger guys, they all disappear to some after party or another , and then the rest of us get completely scoobied on the bus with all of the red wine, before the trailer breaks down 10 minutes outside of Stockholm. We awake in a garage, déjà vu all over again.
Friday sept 15 off busitis scandihouliga
Broken trailer, killing the kids at a suburban Stockholm pool, kicked out of a high school girls soccer practice in my pj/s, back on the bus to this horrendous Michael Jordan biography, lots of cheese with that, blue velvet on the veejit machine, more napping, the bus to and bridge to denmark, hot chip at the vega(hey ian, great to see ya man)-they were pretty cool, accusations of who did what to whom and how come what fore and why, which prompts me to send some investigatory emails. We hotfoot it to the ferry with the double driver , only 1 person wakes up and freaks out, and we are in germany.
Saturday sept 16 rotterdam now and wow
In a huge factory on the maashaven, this place is enormous, cavernous and the rest. We are an hour late but marijke and her crew take care of business in a big way. It is like the old silo squat in Amsterdam down here, but with state of the art production. The goes on beautifully, peach gets to hook up with css and some other friends, and I gets tosay hey to the liars and paul drake, their tm. Finally get around town looking for some photo ops. Later the girls play a killer 1 hour show, do some impromptu press, have a harbor party and we drive to koln.

to the north

Tuesday sept 12 copenhagen vega SOLD OUT
We get in early, no one has blown up any buildings in new york city to celebrate five years, so it is all good on my end. The club is great, sort of like an old Danish dance hall that you imagine that the raveonettes parents met one another at. We bury ourselves in the bowels of the building, enjoying some pretty delicious sandwiches, and catching up on paper work. The film dead man walking springs to mind for some reason. I watch the whole show from the level of samanthas feet. Pretty weird. It is super hot and smoky inside, this shit is killing a few of us. The girls play a rocking show despite the lackadaisical crowd and the knee injury. Afterwards we hang out with manoj from the raveonettes and have a few beers as droadie and I both know him. He has moved back to denmark full time and started a new band. Nice to see him…….
Wednesday sept 13 oslo john dee SOLD OUT
So we get stopped at the Norwegian border, which gives me a bit of a fright, as we are running a bit late and if they open that bloody trailer, well who fucking knows. We roll into oslo and there is great catering, no internet, a stone fox of a promoter rep which hey know notices immediately, and clouds for the first time since Poland. I hide out in production most of the day trying to get into some southern European advance to no avail. Mostly waiting for soundcheck to be over so I can meet mr and mrs Malibu(nee Jacobsen) for dinner, which will only be the biff. Great food, great company, great wine, great restaurant. I cannot believe that it is only my 3rd time to oslo and each time I have to drive 500 miles for the next show. What a beautiful city in so many ways. The show goes off brilliantly, much to the delight of the oslo sisterhood, and I am off to bar robinet with the jacobsens and ms rostad and a dwk and the aussie for some overpriced drafts. Fuck it. It is great to see biff as ever. A mensch, and one of the nicest people in rock and roll. Probably why he got out. We have 1 scopp on the bus and get the fuck out of dodge

the best wurst

it/s not my imagination

So for the longest time, we are hanging in berlin, doing the p/berg thang, doing the advance Europe(ie talk to germans,brits and scandihouligans and pray for the best everywhere else. Everyone starts reappearing around sept 5 and they get straight into rehearsals, ready for the big berlin show.
Sept 7 berlin postbahnhof SOLD OUT
Day 1 and hometown show jitters. We do all of the requisite cross loads and get out to the extreme east to crack the cases again and start from scratch. It is our first day with richie, our german promoter rep, and my hopes are that all is good, as we are in germany for quite a few days. Ingo from the loft is there, we remember each other from some yyy shows. So I feel like we are in good hands.
The gaste liste is out of control, but I do manage to say a quick hey to jochem from neubaten, and I see the boy from brazil, an old friend from nyc. The show is typical hometown show, too many people with too many expectations. I lock down in the production office, which is where I will be for the following 6 weeks. I miss the opener, as they will be with us for the next while and hang out front for a bit, looking for anything distracting.
The girls take the stage to a tumultuous roar, and proceed to knock it out of the park. You could tell that the locals must/ve dug it, as they were throwing everything imaginable on stage(except themselves, of course). 1 down , 28 to go. They roll their rock upstairs for a bit, before heading over to rio en masse for dj conny/s after party. I hit for 6, anticipating the polish border at 8 am, which we pass with flying colors.
Sept 8 warsaw off
It takes 13 hours or something to get there, we eat toasted cheese and read our books all the way. As squid said, ‘what is this, a fucking library’. It is everyones first trip to Poland, but peach and sam, so we are all excited, especially the Rochester boys, who would have some polish blood. By the time we get to Warsaw, I am wrecked, though. I manage to finish ‘fast food nation’ eat some, and pass out waiting for the lo speed internet.
Sept 9 warsaw wyscigi race track
A festival show on the outskirts of Warsaw at an old communist era horse track. Very cool, me thinks. The weather is glorious, a chamber of commerce type of day, and we are inside in case it rains, in the concourse underneath the grandstand. We spend the bulk of the day going in and out of catering which is top shelf to be sure. The peach has all sorts of interviews on hand which she knocks out with help from our local ‘pilot’. I even run into a kid that ran the counter for years at kasias polish diner on n8th st in bburg. That was a nice surprise. The show runs late, but who cares as there is an hour changeover. It is 60 minutes tonight, basically the set sans encore. It is a very strong show, the crowd is very enthusiastic, but hit the road in time to kick off with daft punk. I spend the evening trying to get myself paid, which is an adventure in itself. But I take my hat off to piotr,monika, marek, and marija, as it was their first year doing the festival. It can only get better, and it was good to start with. Unfortunately , we did not run into the mercury rev guys, as their plane from Helsinki was delayed.
Sept 10 berlin off
Another 13 hour drive, and we park the bus in pberg near peaches house, and myself and the Australian get the hell out of dodge. We go for wine and pizza on oranienburgerstrasse, move on to Schwarz-sauer on kastanienallee for irish coffees and more red wine and mates of the Australians, then on to a social club for still more red wine in a pay as you go scheme a la sonnys in red hook, before hitting the bus call, where people are missing and then some rum and cokes and everything goes pear shaped as it does often at 3am.
Sept 11 hamburg ubel and gefaerlich
We awake outside a concrete bunker near the feldstrasse u bahn. The club is located upstairs, in what was once an old bunker that withstood repeated demolition attempts.
The lunch spread is top shelf, a real carribean vibe, as I think the chef is from Colombia. Nice to see richie again, and we all pile around a big table to mac off for the day. The peach has tons of interviews with german tv, so we keep out of the way. I am loving the club, it is kinda dirty and punk rock, but also very civilized and wine barrish, with amazing views of hamburg. I sit out the support band once again, and by the time it is our turn for stage, the place is teeming, a smoky mass of sweaty people. And they are frisky. I think hey now spots his bit in the front row on the first song and he will not be way laid. I do the decent thing and give him a couple of aftershows. Conny has his whole berlin posse and a few hamburgers, the show is rocking and the crowd is loud, the are well able for it. The shit hits the fan later in the set as our in ear systems shits the bed, and she trips and flails into the drum riser. It looks very painful. She gets through the rest of the set, we put some ice on it and call it a night. The Berliners and hamburgers have their party, hey now gets his bit, and we roll our rock towards Copenhagen.

warsaw and berlin

reading leeds weekend

if a picture is worth 1000 words, here are 3000 words

steve irwin r.i.p.

it was with great regret that i received the news about the great steve irwin buying the farm from a sting ray tail. all i could say , crikey, and roll my rock to the berlin zoo , to watch lesser talents tippy toe around tasmanian tree frogs, nile crocs, diamondback rattlesnakes, laughing hyaenas, baby eating dingos, burmese pythons, the dreaded australian brownsnake(though i think that the plumber unearthed a german whitesnake while caulking away over her in the 10178), and none of these lesser central european reptophiliacs could utter the word SCHEISSE with as much aplomb as you could with a simple, CRIKEY!
so steve, the drive from byron to bris vegas will never be the same, when we are pulled over at the HUMBLE PIE COMPANY for a steak and mash pie with mushy peas, the remnants of a bunderberg rum and coke washing it all down after a night of too much vb and kangaroo carpaccio, we will pour 1 out for our homey, steve irwin, national treasure. i guess someone else will have to catch the gator in san pedro, probably that cousteau eejit.

just stuff

high coup

At this portion of the tour, I am so completely behind that I will do haikus(on the theme of 5-7-5) as some things are best left unsaid, others are not of anyones business, some are of only the utmost personal interest, and most things are simply mundane.

Thursday july 27 atlanta variety arts playhouse sold out
Stoner production
And eagles bring the party
Like sand to the beach
Friday july 28 house of blues new Orleans sold out
Thanks sonny ace and
Jessica for the brilliant
Night in new Orleans
Saturday july 29 emos Austin sold out
Hotter than hades
And wildest show of the tour
Trail of dead backstage
Sunday july 30 deming , nm off
Sonic burgers and
Bloody marys while we watch
The national tards
Monday july 31 las vegas house of blues
6am bus call
and the lizard queens reign tops
drunk in double down
Tuesday aug 1 san diego house of blues SOLD OUT
Sicker than a dog
Rolling around like a damn cat
Vomit on me babe
Wednesday aug 2 pomona glasshouse SOLD OUT
Inland empire
Brings back masturbatory
Memories of home
Thursday aug 3 day off l.a.
Goddamn hotel staff
Russell crowe had a vision
Phone throwers are king
Friday aug 4 l.a. wiltern theatre
Best of the best house
A highlight film to recall
When shit hits the fan
Saturday aug 5 fillmore san fran sold out
Great venue great crowd
Oc/s in the tenderloin
No old friends in sight
Sunday aug 6 fillmore sf
Late arriving fans
Go mental for the peach, man
Nice to see frisco
Monday aug 7 portland roseland
No thrasher presents
But in house shite, what a waste
Union jacks aftershow
Tuesday aug 8 portland off
Evil ennui takes hold now
And I cannot shake it away
Typical off day
Wednesday aug 9 showbox seattle SOLD OUT
Oysters at Brooklyn
With mack and aftershow with
The eagles, oy vey
Thursday aug 10 vancouver commodore SOLD OUT
5 minute border
don/t blame Canada today
clusterfuck backstage
Friday aug 11 off kamloops
Bus broke down in the
Bloody mountains Canada
Getting blamed today
Saturday aug 12 calgary macewan hall
A tour buster
Of a lame show gets us down
Morale very low
Sunday aug 13 edmonton star lite sold out
Epic performance
A tour saver to be sure
Bus party send off
Monday aug 14 butte mt off
Bus company crap
Amateur hour again
My days are numbered
Tuesday aug 15 slc urban lounge